Once Upon a Month by Incognito

YEAH! I’ve Got My Period – Perfect!

January 28th, 2014

Zoé's Diaries


The way they talk about menstruation is either too sterile and stark white – take "protection," "absorption," “flow" and other clinical terms – or it’s just plain considered as something gross: “Oooh! You’re talking about blood? So gross!"

The only times it's okay to talk about it is often when we bitch about "cramps," "irritability" or the fact that it always comes "at the worst possible time." So to be a little different and adopt a fresh look at the situation (if that’s even possible!), I’ve decided to look for the up sides of the menstrual cycle and, wouldn’t you know it, it is actually the PERFECT excuse in many situations! Here are my five faves…

Situation #1: To Avoid Doing Housework

"Honey, do you think you can vacuum and dust this week while I take care of my uterus? What do you say?"

This proposition should leave the guy speechless; all he has to worry about is grabbing that broom and getting down to business! ;)

Situation #2: To Refresh Your Wardrobe

"stained my last pair of jeans when I my got my period so I really NEED a new pair of pants. You don’t want me to go out naked, now do you?!"

Taken a little far, but it goes over very well with an imploring, wide-eyed expression.

Situation #3: To Refresh Your Wardrobe (again)

“I’m telling you, it’s PROVEN that once my period is on it’s way, it’s only normal to give in to a few impulse purchases!”

Send him this article

Situation #4: To Take My Time in the Bathroom

"Hey, I’m ovulating! My gut tells me to make myself pretty. So I need an extra 10 minutes."

 Slip him a copy of this article under the bathroom door.

Situation #5: To Spend More at the Pharmacy

What are you talking about? Of course I didn’t buy a truckload of makeup! I’m telling you, tampons and pads aren’t getting any cheaper!

 It just goes better when you accidentally "misplaced" the receipt. 

When have you used your period as an excuse? 


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About the author

 Zoé’s never at loss for words. Part fashionista, part foodie, she loves sharing her latest discoveries and funny stories.   Zoé had her first...